The Doctress is/was a major character in the first plot of Or Something Like That, written by Nedben. Along with Liebschen, she forms the representative of Or Something Like That And Associates, one of the Four Stories in Nedben's mental hierarchy. Her real name is Melissa Vanguard, avatar, host, and mind, body, and soul of the Vanguard Angel, and top angel of the four angels Vanguard, Ivan, Rose, and Xatra defending the old Or Something Like That canon before it was annihilated and sent to DINNER, by killing eldritch abominations and fixing things as they were told to do.

She was originally introduced as one of the House guardians to the Existence Object during the Original Document, alongside the General, before being reorganized into the role of an angelic avatar. She retains her friendship with Queen/Chancellor Spirit of the magic fireball kingdom and League from this period.


The human-form Doctress says no, rendered in xdanond's Anime Character Maker 2.

As a Doctress, she is an omnidisciplinary scientist and medic. Her weapon is the rainbow sword allweapon Discordant Harmony. She is known to have 6 forms, human, dislogic human, angelic with white wings, angelic with black wings, mindscrew, and pony. Her citadel was located in Aspect Heaven before being relocated to DINNER. As a normal human, she served Elesion Village as a doctor. As a dislogic-world human-angel, she served as a Council narrator, angelic defender, mad scientist, doctor, and commentary figure. She was arguably the main character during the blog period after the Original Document of Or Something Like That and during the early Or Something Like That Grand Thread period. Her main powers consist of angelic reviving and healing and curing things, and various proficiencies in magic, technology, and narration for the purposes of killing things. Being an angel, she is quite strong in many things, a necessity in her line of work.

Surprisingly, she is quite sane and actually has a fairly level and boring personality, which is not easy to do and was occasionally an impediment because of the effort required to maintain said sanity in a world where logic and physics were quite dead and sanity was on life support. The Doctress is mostly interested in learning things and killing eldritch abominations and helping people, being an angel created expressly for the purposes of defending the OSLT canon from further damages while an overdeity wrapped up the apocalypse and sent the place to heaven. This is usually expressed as an interest in reading material of any kind and a tendency to play large amounts of videogames, many but not all of which are violent, as well as killing eldritch abominations for fun. Her narrator symbol is quotation marks, and the letter V, both of which appear in association with the Vanguards in the form of a stylized "V" symbol. She likes music of any kind including outright earrape, though she favors angelic choirs, classical, church music, YTPMVs, techno, dubstep, and touhous. Her favorite dessert is angel food cake for obvious reasons.

Her known human family consists of her parents who have not appeared, various extraneous members, her older sister Tori, her younger sister Annalise, and a long lineage of angelic hosts. Angelically, she was created around the same time as Rose, Ivan, and Xatra, and can arguably be considered extremely distant relations with the war angel kind and species of the angelic host altogether, though as angels do not reproduce angelically with other angels while being angels this is generally a moot point. She deeply respects and knows the General of the House, and is distant friends with Spirit, the Narrator Council of Elesion, and most of the rest of the cast.

The Doctress' position name and working title was inspired by a chance line about what to call a female doctor from a book about Elizabeth Blackwell.

Being one of the only Or Something Like That characters to actually be mentioned outside of OSLT (usually in connection to nedben's insanity), she merited a page on the Aeiou Wiki for the sake of explanation. She was mentioned at one point during Robert Joe's Rant Adventures when a nedben was doing large amounts of crack under the pretense of 'storytime sugar', possibly to keep its biomass up. It is also implied she is an unseen figure of YTP diplomacy during behind-the-scenes moments of discussion, though to what extent is unknown as she is never actually seen, only very rarely mentioned.

In addition to everything else, she is the Commentariat, and thus has the power to break through absolutely everything the narrative can throw at her for the purposes of commenting on Nedben Prime, usually to insult his bad writing or learn about plots she should have no way of knowing about normally. As the Commentariat, the slight bitterness from years of doing little that wasn't related to beating the shit out of people, places, and things tends to be expressed, resulting in her being quite blatant and annoyed when commenting. This also shines through when she is becoming slightly obsessed with killing something.

And then she threw almost all of the above out the window when she flipped the fuck out, became a powerful demoness, killed Nedben Prime, and became a final boss. She has gone on to become a major antagonistic force, destroying Or Something Like That completely (forcing a restart in which she cameoed briefly) and hijacking Wilma's power to create an existence of her own to live peacefully enough in the Magenta Barrier. She has gone off on her own for the most part and for the rest of the narrative may be quite hard to analyze, though her commentary role has to some extent survived with the rest of her.

After the total conquering of the Magenta Barrier, she is now the ruler of Vanguard, the reformed OSLT existentiate. Orzic Nedbens is one of this empire's vassal states.

The only known way to even remotely destroy the Doctress in a reasonable way without the overwhelming power of God, Jenna, several undefined superweapons or their approximate power level, utterly absurd randomness annihilating reality itself on a base enough level, or highly theoretical anti-demonic protections, is to kill every one of her extremely numerous forms in a short window of time (preventing her from regenerating them), and when she has reached her final form destroy that and seal away the inevitable indestructible survivor crystal (a surviving function similar in premise to a hypergem) to prevent her from reviving.

Some of her forms include, in this approximate order but likely not limited to,

  • Regular earth-human
  • Dislogic technomagi narrator
  • Base angelic
  • Crusader of Oblivion black knight paladin angelic
  • Laughing Angel
  • War Angel (humanoid)
  • War Angel (quetzacoatl)
  • Grand Demoness
  • Butterfly-winged white unicorn
  • That Guy
  • Ball of light
  • Eagle
  • Falcon
  • Discordant Harmony -Soulblades-
  • Loveless Sister
  • Holy Flandre
  • Vanguard Mighty
  • True Form